One of the biggest things I miss right now is the ability to write. All throughout this past summer, with the freedom I had, I was able to think a lot and put it on paper (or in this case, the internet). Things have slowed down a bit for me; though I know it won’t be for long. Here I go.

For a while now I’ve been realizing more facets of my constant sinful heart. The other day I was talking to a friend over lunch and I asked her how her time with God was like. After telling me what she did to commune with God, she fired at me with the same question. As a biblical studies major, and chaplain for my dorm, but more than that, as a Christian, I not only have to read the Bible, but I love the word of God—it is the overarching delight of my life. As I answered her question, I told her the truth (“I do such and such . . .”). But how easy is it for the truth to be told with evil motives and intents. I didn’t brag outwardly, but I did brag internally in my own mind.

God’s diagnosis of the human heart is not very uplifting: “The heart is deceitful than all else / And is desperately sick; / Who can understand it?” (Jer. 17:9). I know my heart. And at that moment when I shared with her my daily routine, I found myself desiring to impress her with my “intimacy” and “tightness” with God. Don’t get me wrong, I love to have that time with God where I can bask in His word, confess my sins, and appropriate the gospel once more. But in that moment, my desire to share with her was skewed—it was sinful. I wanted her to see me and realize how “godly” I was.

How often do we do the right things with sinful, self-seeking motives? Though redeemed and set apart from sin, we still battle our sinful flesh. Paul himself, in Romans 7, understood this constant warring of the flesh with the spirit: “For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want” (Rom. 7:19).

What is the cure for this curse? The gospel! I was hearing Jerry Bridges the other day, and he said that at one point in his life, he saw the gospel only for non-believers. He reasoned that as a saved person, one no longer has need of the gospel. He then went on to say that such thinking is ludicrous!—we desperately need the gospel every day; not only the day we were saved, but every day ’till we see our blessed Savior face to face.

The gospel is the essence of our faith where we need to daily come and bow the knee and find the cure to our constant wayward heart.